Have you ever had that inexplicable, queasy, uncomfortable feeling in your gut? I bet most of us have felt that way one point or another. It feels like your insides are knotted and being twisted every which way. Don't know why, but it happens to me whenever a loved one is traveling on their own. Used to happen when I was young and dad had to go out of town for work. Now, it happens whenever hubby dear is scheduled to fly out of town for work. As a matter of fact, when I meet couples who have traveling jobs, my mind does a hats off and compliments these brave souls.
Well, but it has never happened to me before when I am going out with the family. As it happens, we are all set for a Hawaii vacation starting this Wednesday. Am super duper excited about this, no doubt. But somewhere deep inside, I sense the same unsettling, guttural feeling storming up. I have been prodding myself to come up with a reason for this. I believe that my paranoia in general has increased since being a mom (of course every new thing in my life these days is tied to this fact). Its just that, now, we are responsible for another person who has no clue where or why. All he knows is to trust his parents and follow them with no questions. As long as we are with him, nothing else matters (or so I would like to think). This blinding faith in us is what kills me. It hit me that by venturing out on a vacation of this sort, aren't we risking what we have now? So many what-ifs flooding my mind. So many uncertainties. They are wreaking a havoc in my mind. I don't want all these morbid feelings and want to get back to being excited.
I guess I have to be comforted with what hubby dear usually says before one of his official outings - "If somebody's time is up, it is so. You can't do a single thing to stop it. It can happen when you are driving or even when crossing a road". As simple as that but true enough. Destiny - one word sums it all up. Well, if its any consolation, at least this time we will all be together.
So, note to self: Silly mind, cheer up and please don't ruin this for me.
